Your System Sucks?

Yes, I'm well aware that I'll get no credit for this, but I need to vent somewhere where it makes sense to vent about this.

I received a final exam reflective letter from one of my students. Incidentally, said student is a rather outstanding writer, whose major is creative writing. However, said student, in his talent, seems to believe he is above my class.

Anonymously, here is the end of his letter:

"Amd again, that doesn't has much to do with you. That doesn't has a thing to do with you. And I'm not trying to be an ass, but the fact is (the very definition of your class is): you are a prerequisite for 90% of the people in there; the only reason people take that class is because someone else forced them to. And no one in there cares about the words they are writing; everyone in there writes the papers just to get the grade that they want, and I know that no one—not a soul in there—really gives a shit about the thoughts and the feelings that they were supposed to create.
So I don't really blame you. The fact that you were the head of a complete waste of time is hardly your fault. Just becaiuse you were comissioned an apathetic and disingenuise excercise on a tri-weekly basis should not be blamed on you. It's a natural result of MSU's prerequsite process, and you weren't much more than a lamb placed up for the slaughter. That's probably the shared fate of most graduate students elected to teach ENG-110.
But honestly, you have to understand how frustarting it is to pay hundreds of dollars to take a college course, and the only exercise we do in this class is a Round Robin or a Grammar Exercise.
I don't blame you. But your system sucks."

I honestly believe that my students will get as much out of the class as they want to get. And honestly, I would be able to laugh this off had this not been the very last paper I read from this semester (besides the final exam letters that are *ahem* supposed to be brought to the final exam rather than emailed to me). I just got off of a high from reading two very, very well-written short stories from two of my strongest writers in my other class. I felt like the semester had not been a waste. Then... this.

Friends, if you're still checking up on this, tell me how you would react. I'll be honest... it infuriated me. I'm still trying to cool off.

One Last Entry

I've been thinking about my interests lately, both in academia and out. My literary interests range from historical fiction to fantasy to apologetics to... well, you get the picture. I also consider myself a huge movie buff, particularly classic films starring such greats as Cary Grant, Katharine Hepburn, Gary Cooper, and so on. Art fascinates me, not least because of my own humble contributions. Music drives my soul; I love to immerse myself in history; I even find certain aspects of science fascinating (so long as I don't have to regurgitate the information later on). My point? My philosophy in life's interests is simply to get the most I can out of learning and trying to understand people in the world. People, too, fascinate me; perhaps this is why I was, for a short time, a psychology major.

With such an eclectic range of interests, I find that I want to try to instill that sort of desire in my students. I try to show genuine interest in that which fascinates them, and I hope to convey my own eclectic tastes in such a way as to pique their interests into something new. Why? Well, because I'm teaching English 110, a composition class for students across the board, I feel that this class is foundational in helping to shape the ways in which they'll approach the next three (to four or more) years of their college careers. When I look back at how much I learned through my liberal arts education, and how much that variety has enriched my understanding of life and my own chosen field, I realize that these students are embarking on a similar journey. Will they embrace it or choose to remain narrowly focused on their majors and childhood interests? After all, how many of my friends from high school have chosen that latter path and have missed out on so much?

Personally, I think we've all got an amazing opportunity encourage a passion for learning and understanding in our students. By our urging them to examine all viewpoints on an issue, they learn compassion (I hope). By our encouraging them to provide evidence and to show rather than tell, we are giving them tools to make their own thoughts and beliefs known in such a way as to create dialogue.

I'm astounded as I watch my students develop as writers throughout this one short semester. At the end of the fall semester, I had students express their thanks for showing them what a joy writing can be; some who had never written anything of their own free will now keep journals and write regularly. That reminds me of another tool we teach our students to use: writing as therapy! Again, at the end of the semester, several students expressed the realization that, while the journals tended to get tedious at times, they were able to work through emotional and psychological difficulties through being able to express themselves freely.

There may be those out there who think our careers as writing teachers seems of mediocre importance, but I know otherwise.

Happy summer, everyone!

The Memoir Unit

I tell you, I'm about thisclose to taking a sledgehammer to my modem. This is day two of its randomly deciding to stop working until I turn it off for a minimum of four hours. *snarl, growl, mutter, snap, etc.*

Anyway, on to the post at hand.

I mentioned at the start of the semester the fact that I'm not terribly comfortable discussing my pedagogical viewpoints in the language of academic discourse. Now that I've had a good, solid semester to practice, stumble, and occasionally triumph, I can honestly say that... I'm still not terribly comfortable discussing my pedagogy in academic discourse. I still feel a little like I'm trying to speak fluent Latin with only two semesters of grammar under my belt. Still, I guess I'll keep trying.

Lee asked me, in a comment, how my students reacted to the sample memoirs I produced. One particular advantage to having seven years of memoir-writing to convey to my students is the fact that I've written in nearly every non-fiction genre available, from sob-story to humor to travel-writing. I also have about every level of quality that I've ever written, from "how on God's beautiful green earth did I find the nerve to turn in this crap?" to my "masterpieces." In fact, the majority of the rough drafts I received back from my students surpass many of my sample writings from the early days... and then some! I found myself laughing with delight at how much most of my students embraced their creations.

One thing I made clear from the start, in no uncertain terms, was that I wasn't showing the pieces to them out of vanity or conceit (though, being a bit of artist, there may have been a little bit of that mixed in there, but very little, I hope!), but simply to help them brainstorm and get an idea of the vast array of creative writing that is available, just within the creative non-fiction section of writing. The one fear I had, that my students might feel the need to copy my style, turned out to be completely unfounded. I read my students' voices in their stories. Everything sounded like them... just more polished up. I've got a lot of talented students!

Come to think of it, I think this is a part of my own pedagogy. No matter what, I find myself personally divested in my students. My pedagogy has somewhat morphed into more of the writing center philosophy. I love the idea of working with my students one-on-one to brainstorm and create. When I see them taking my suggestions and molding them to their styles, I get downright giddy. I think that's why I love the creative units of the composition class (besides the fact that creative non-fiction is my specialty); when I see them get excited, that's when I finally feel like I know what I'm doing. They're finally interested in their work more than their grade. And funnily enough, that's when they get the best grades, because that's when they create the best work.

[/end disorganized post]

Coherency Through the TV Fuzz?

I'll admit it. This has been one very trying semester for me. While I'm glad to have finally gotten the hang of the whole grad school plus grad assistantship thing, my body's been doing its utmost to try to trip me up and make a fool of me all semester. As many of you know, my migraines really skyrocketed this semester, and for the first two months or so, I spent most of my waking hours squinting at the computer screen and wincing at every loud noise. Needless to say, the GA office was hardly my favorite place to hang out. Ha. Anyway, around midterm, I finally got started on a new medication that, for the first time ever, actually helped. Good news, right?

Well, not really.

You see, I have naturally low blood pressure, hence my eternally low energy levels. Unfortunately, the medication I'm on is also prescribed for hypertension--the exact opposite of my problem. Wednesday, I had my blood pressure tested in the dentist's office (I know--but it's really not that weird--they screen for everything there), and we all did a double-take.

85/50... the second time? 84/45. My heart rate was around 56. Eep. My systolic pressure was at least 20 points lower than normal for even me.

And tonight, after getting out of the bath, I nearly threw up and passed out... my blood pressure had dropped that low, and I really wasn't overheated.

What all this means (besides the fact that I feel like crap) is that it's seriously affecting my ability to focus and get things done. Basically, I have to choose between migraines and dizziness... both of which make grading papers nearly impossible half the time. I'm going to set up an appointment with the doc this week to try out a different medication, but it seems like I spend all my time adjusting to symptoms and side effects to medications meant to help me.

What is one to do? I have students waiting to get drafts back, and my eyes will barely focus, while my brain sounds like TV snow. I mean, I have every intention of prying my eyes open tonight and tomorrow, to get everything finished, but I know I'm not going to be able to give these papers the consideration they deserve or that I want to give them. I'm not the only one getting gypped here... my students are getting a raw deal, because I just can't think clearly.

This is a bit of a rant, I'll be honest. However, it does affect my attitude toward my classes these days. I love teaching--I really do. I am really passionate about what I do. But when I feel like this, I barely have the heart to even show up.

Anyway, I just wanted to give an explanation for my recent absentmindedness (more so than normal, I mean).

Six-word Meme

Dr. Cadle gave me the following prompt: Completely off the subject, you've been tagged for a meme. Why? Because we all need more writing fun right now. See Can your sum up your life in just six words? (a meme) to see how, then as a part of your post, tag at least six others.

Writes, sings, paints, and lives grace.

Translation: I live in a world of creative expression and the yearning to convey the beauty of the grace I've been given that I could never earn or be worthy of. Yeah. It blows me away.

Anyway, I tag: Charity Gibson, Kara Beary, Hannah Dutko, Mary Maupin, Moses Martinous, and Steve Rucker. You're it!

Writing What We Teach

As I mentioned on February 19[-ish], in my class, the textual analysis was done and over with before I even thought about this assignment, so as such, I did not use my personal sample with my students. I did, however, give them step-by-step guidelines in how to develop and texual analyzing argument, which did prove equally beneficial without the drawback of pressuring my students to "imitate" me (thanks, Eric, for articulating that thought for me!). I first had them summarize their article, then outline the article in such a way as to have each point be the article's evidence (this helped them identify their criteria), and finally, write a practice analysis in groups of 4-5. The latter bit was done in class, that way, if they found that they didn't understand a particular aspect of the assignment, they could ask me in person when the problem arose. It was very effective.

I did, however, use samples for the memoir assignment. In fact, in my class, this assignment is the final, culminating assignment of the semester where they get to "strut their stuff" and show off their skills. As such, I began bringing in sample memoirs from high school all the way up to last semester, covering a number of genres, for workshop and freewriting days. I was clear in that this was no attempt to show off my writing or to push them in any one direction, but rather to help them brainstorm and get an idea of the wide range of options just within the memoir genre of writing.

We're still working on this assignment, obviously, so I don't know yet how this will shape up, but I've seen faces where, suddenly, a lightbulb goes on and they realize that this might be bigger and better than they expected, and, Holy Ballpoint Banana, Batman, this writing assignment might even be *gasp* fun!

[Oopsy]

I posted this on the wrong blog. I did post this on time, really! :) Here it is:

I think I've put off posting this response for the simple reason that I don't know what I would do if my students, as a whole, failed to complete the assignment. Naturally, I would try to consider if it had been my fault somewhere along the line, and with my lousy self-confidence, the chances are that I would blame myself anyway. If I did conclude that the issue was in large part my fault, I would give my students a few days to turn in the rest of the assignment. However, if it was largely an issue of their own failure to make the effort, I would have to, so to speak, put my foot down and penalize them as the syllabus indicated. One thing I've found is that my giving in too much seems to result in my students taking advantage of my leniency.

All the same, I don't know for sure that I would do that if it actually happened. It's one thing to say I would do something in a hypothetical situation, but I don't always make choices in real life that reflect what my analytical sense tells me to do.