One Small Voice

Your System Sucks?

2008-05-10T19:13:00.000-07:00

Yes, I'm well aware that I'll get no credit for this, but I need to vent somewhere where it makes sense to vent about this.

I received a final exam reflective letter from one of my students. Incidentally, said student is a rather outstanding writer, whose major is creative writing. However, said student, in his talent, seems to believe he is above my class.

Anonymously, here is the end of his letter:

"Amd again, that doesn't has much to do with you. That doesn't has a thing to do with you. And I'm not trying to be an ass, but the fact is (the very definition of your class is): you are a prerequisite for 90% of the people in there; the only reason people take that class is because someone else forced them to. And no one in there cares about the words they are writing; everyone in there writes the papers just to get the grade that they want, and I know that no one—not a soul in there—really gives a shit about the thoughts and the feelings that they were supposed to create.
So I don't really blame you. The fact that you were the head of a complete waste of time is hardly your fault. Just becaiuse you were comissioned an apathetic and disingenuise excercise on a tri-weekly basis should not be blamed on you. It's a natural result of MSU's prerequsite process, and you weren't much more than a lamb placed up for the slaughter. That's probably the shared fate of most graduate students elected to teach ENG-110.
But honestly, you have to understand how frustarting it is to pay hundreds of dollars to take a college course, and the only exercise we do in this class is a Round Robin or a Grammar Exercise.
I don't blame you. But your system sucks."

I honestly believe that my students will get as much out of the class as they want to get. And honestly, I would be able to laugh this off had this not been the very last paper I read from this semester (besides the final exam letters that are *ahem* supposed to be brought to the final exam rather than emailed to me). I just got off of a high from reading two very, very well-written short stories from two of my strongest writers in my other class. I felt like the semester had not been a waste. Then... this.

Friends, if you're still checking up on this, tell me how you would react. I'll be honest... it infuriated me. I'm still trying to cool off.

One Last Entry

2008-05-08T14:53:00.000-07:00

I've been thinking about my interests lately, both in academia and out. My literary interests range from historical fiction to fantasy to apologetics to... well, you get the picture. I also consider myself a huge movie buff, particularly classic films starring such greats as Cary Grant, Katharine Hepburn, Gary Cooper, and so on. Art fascinates me, not least because of my own humble contributions. Music drives my soul; I love to immerse myself in history; I even find certain aspects of science fascinating (so long as I don't have to regurgitate the information later on). My point? My philosophy in life's interests is simply to get the most I can out of learning and trying to understand people in the world. People, too, fascinate me; perhaps this is why I was, for a short time, a psychology major.

With such an eclectic range of interests, I find that I want to try to instill that sort of desire in my students. I try to show genuine interest in that which fascinates them, and I hope to convey my own eclectic tastes in such a way as to pique their interests into something new. Why? Well, because I'm teaching English 110, a composition class for students across the board, I feel that this class is foundational in helping to shape the ways in which they'll approach the next three (to four or more) years of their college careers. When I look back at how much I learned through my liberal arts education, and how much that variety has enriched my understanding of life and my own chosen field, I realize that these students are embarking on a similar journey. Will they embrace it or choose to remain narrowly focused on their majors and childhood interests? After all, how many of my friends from high school have chosen that latter path and have missed out on so much?

Personally, I think we've all got an amazing opportunity encourage a passion for learning and understanding in our students. By our urging them to examine all viewpoints on an issue, they learn compassion (I hope). By our encouraging them to provide evidence and to show rather than tell, we are giving them tools to make their own thoughts and beliefs known in such a way as to create dialogue.

I'm astounded as I watch my students develop as writers throughout this one short semester. At the end of the fall semester, I had students express their thanks for showing them what a joy writing can be; some who had never written anything of their own free will now keep journals and write regularly. That reminds me of another tool we teach our students to use: writing as therapy! Again, at the end of the semester, several students expressed the realization that, while the journals tended to get tedious at times, they were able to work through emotional and psychological difficulties through being able to express themselves freely.

There may be those out there who think our careers as writing teachers seems of mediocre importance, but I know otherwise.

Happy summer, everyone!

The Memoir Unit

2008-05-07T18:26:00.000-07:00

I tell you, I'm about thisclose to taking a sledgehammer to my modem. This is day two of its randomly deciding to stop working until I turn it off for a minimum of four hours. *snarl, growl, mutter, snap, etc.*

Anyway, on to the post at hand.

I mentioned at the start of the semester the fact that I'm not terribly comfortable discussing my pedagogical viewpoints in the language of academic discourse. Now that I've had a good, solid semester to practice, stumble, and occasionally triumph, I can honestly say that... I'm still not terribly comfortable discussing my pedagogy in academic discourse. I still feel a little like I'm trying to speak fluent Latin with only two semesters of grammar under my belt. Still, I guess I'll keep trying.

Lee asked me, in a comment, how my students reacted to the sample memoirs I produced. One particular advantage to having seven years of memoir-writing to convey to my students is the fact that I've written in nearly every non-fiction genre available, from sob-story to humor to travel-writing. I also have about every level of quality that I've ever written, from "how on God's beautiful green earth did I find the nerve to turn in this crap?" to my "masterpieces." In fact, the majority of the rough drafts I received back from my students surpass many of my sample writings from the early days... and then some! I found myself laughing with delight at how much most of my students embraced their creations.

One thing I made clear from the start, in no uncertain terms, was that I wasn't showing the pieces to them out of vanity or conceit (though, being a bit of artist, there may have been a little bit of that mixed in there, but very little, I hope!), but simply to help them brainstorm and get an idea of the vast array of creative writing that is available, just within the creative non-fiction section of writing. The one fear I had, that my students might feel the need to copy my style, turned out to be completely unfounded. I read my students' voices in their stories. Everything sounded like them... just more polished up. I've got a lot of talented students!

Come to think of it, I think this is a part of my own pedagogy. No matter what, I find myself personally divested in my students. My pedagogy has somewhat morphed into more of the writing center philosophy. I love the idea of working with my students one-on-one to brainstorm and create. When I see them taking my suggestions and molding them to their styles, I get downright giddy. I think that's why I love the creative units of the composition class (besides the fact that creative non-fiction is my specialty); when I see them get excited, that's when I finally feel like I know what I'm doing. They're finally interested in their work more than their grade. And funnily enough, that's when they get the best grades, because that's when they create the best work.

[/end disorganized post]

Coherency Through the TV Fuzz?

2008-05-02T22:44:00.000-07:00

I'll admit it. This has been one very trying semester for me. While I'm glad to have finally gotten the hang of the whole grad school plus grad assistantship thing, my body's been doing its utmost to try to trip me up and make a fool of me all semester. As many of you know, my migraines really skyrocketed this semester, and for the first two months or so, I spent most of my waking hours squinting at the computer screen and wincing at every loud noise. Needless to say, the GA office was hardly my favorite place to hang out. Ha. Anyway, around midterm, I finally got started on a new medication that, for the first time ever, actually helped. Good news, right?

Well, not really.

You see, I have naturally low blood pressure, hence my eternally low energy levels. Unfortunately, the medication I'm on is also prescribed for hypertension--the exact opposite of my problem. Wednesday, I had my blood pressure tested in the dentist's office (I know--but it's really not that weird--they screen for everything there), and we all did a double-take.

85/50... the second time? 84/45. My heart rate was around 56. Eep. My systolic pressure was at least 20 points lower than normal for even me.

And tonight, after getting out of the bath, I nearly threw up and passed out... my blood pressure had dropped that low, and I really wasn't overheated.

What all this means (besides the fact that I feel like crap) is that it's seriously affecting my ability to focus and get things done. Basically, I have to choose between migraines and dizziness... both of which make grading papers nearly impossible half the time. I'm going to set up an appointment with the doc this week to try out a different medication, but it seems like I spend all my time adjusting to symptoms and side effects to medications meant to help me.

What is one to do? I have students waiting to get drafts back, and my eyes will barely focus, while my brain sounds like TV snow. I mean, I have every intention of prying my eyes open tonight and tomorrow, to get everything finished, but I know I'm not going to be able to give these papers the consideration they deserve or that I want to give them. I'm not the only one getting gypped here... my students are getting a raw deal, because I just can't think clearly.

This is a bit of a rant, I'll be honest. However, it does affect my attitude toward my classes these days. I love teaching--I really do. I am really passionate about what I do. But when I feel like this, I barely have the heart to even show up.

Anyway, I just wanted to give an explanation for my recent absentmindedness (more so than normal, I mean).

Six-word Meme

2008-04-28T15:39:00.000-07:00

Dr. Cadle gave me the following prompt: Completely off the subject, you've been tagged for a meme. Why? Because we all need more writing fun right now. See Can your sum up your life in just six words? (a meme) to see how, then as a part of your post, tag at least six others.

Writes, sings, paints, and lives grace.

Translation: I live in a world of creative expression and the yearning to convey the beauty of the grace I've been given that I could never earn or be worthy of. Yeah. It blows me away.

Anyway, I tag: Charity Gibson, Kara Beary, Hannah Dutko, Mary Maupin, Moses Martinous, and Steve Rucker. You're it!

Writing What We Teach

2008-04-25T18:15:00.000-07:00

As I mentioned on February 19[-ish], in my class, the textual analysis was done and over with before I even thought about this assignment, so as such, I did not use my personal sample with my students. I did, however, give them step-by-step guidelines in how to develop and texual analyzing argument, which did prove equally beneficial without the drawback of pressuring my students to "imitate" me (thanks, Eric, for articulating that thought for me!). I first had them summarize their article, then outline the article in such a way as to have each point be the article's evidence (this helped them identify their criteria), and finally, write a practice analysis in groups of 4-5. The latter bit was done in class, that way, if they found that they didn't understand a particular aspect of the assignment, they could ask me in person when the problem arose. It was very effective.

I did, however, use samples for the memoir assignment. In fact, in my class, this assignment is the final, culminating assignment of the semester where they get to "strut their stuff" and show off their skills. As such, I began bringing in sample memoirs from high school all the way up to last semester, covering a number of genres, for workshop and freewriting days. I was clear in that this was no attempt to show off my writing or to push them in any one direction, but rather to help them brainstorm and get an idea of the wide range of options just within the memoir genre of writing.

We're still working on this assignment, obviously, so I don't know yet how this will shape up, but I've seen faces where, suddenly, a lightbulb goes on and they realize that this might be bigger and better than they expected, and, Holy Ballpoint Banana, Batman, this writing assignment might even be *gasp* fun!

[Oopsy]

2008-04-19T21:13:00.000-07:00

I posted this on the wrong blog. I did post this on time, really! :) Here it is:

I think I've put off posting this response for the simple reason that I don't know what I would do if my students, as a whole, failed to complete the assignment. Naturally, I would try to consider if it had been my fault somewhere along the line, and with my lousy self-confidence, the chances are that I would blame myself anyway. If I did conclude that the issue was in large part my fault, I would give my students a few days to turn in the rest of the assignment. However, if it was largely an issue of their own failure to make the effort, I would have to, so to speak, put my foot down and penalize them as the syllabus indicated. One thing I've found is that my giving in too much seems to result in my students taking advantage of my leniency.

All the same, I don't know for sure that I would do that if it actually happened. It's one thing to say I would do something in a hypothetical situation, but I don't always make choices in real life that reflect what my analytical sense tells me to do.

I don't know how else to have handled this...

2008-03-11T14:18:00.000-07:00

Midterms caused an uproar, particularly in my TTh class, the one that used to be so cooperative. Periodically, it was my fault for not filling something in, and I readily owned up to my mistake and fixed it. However, I have a select few that are severely challenging my authority. First of all, one student came to me with his paper, one that earned a strong 88%, a grade I consider high, and argued that it deserved an A. Now, I have no problem with a student coming to me to find out why it WASN'T an A and what they can do to improve it, but I found his attitude terribly presumptuous. Also, I added the annotated bibliography back into the papers' percentage, something that should actually work to their advantage if they bothered to turn in the work like I repeatedly asked them to do. Instead, I had two or three outright challenging whether or not I have any right to make changes to the syllabus. My syllabus. So I sent out this email in response (and possibly in my anger, I confess):

"I need to address some changes to the syllabus. As instructor of this course, like any other teacher or professor in this school, I have the freedom to change any part of the syllabus at any time, including how percentages fall. For example, I included the I-Search proposal and the annotated bibliography in the paper section, which, altogether, takes up 60% of the grade. For those who want me to justify it, I'm going to have to pull the dreaded "because I say so" card. This is the way it works best under these conditions for me as the instructor. Look, I encourage questions, but today I felt a bit challenged as far as my authority. I may barely be older than most of you (and younger than a couple), but I'm still the teacher. Let me just say, at the end of the semester, the percentages will add up almost exactly as they do in the syllabus, with a small change to the papers section. It's not worth getting worked up over. The fact of the matter is, if something was not turned in and you're worried about its affecting your grade, it would've affected it no matter what. The way I set it up actually makes it affect you less.

Please forgive me for being sharp about this, but in some of your approaches to me, I felt very disrespected today. Giving you the benefit of the doubt, I imagine you didn't mean for it to come across that way, but I felt attacked at times. At this point, unless you have a specific issue, like missing points for something you turned in that can be verified, I ask that you let me do what I decide to do. I will always try to work things out in a way that most benefits you, but you have to trust my judgment. If that's a problem for you, maybe you should be taking this class with another instructor. Again, I apologize if that sounds snotty or impatient, but I've got limits. I mean no disrespect for any of you; I simply insist that you treat me with the appropriate authority for my position. I may be a graduate assistant, but as for this class, I am the instructor. Period.

This rant is not relevant to the majority of you, so I'm not trying to scold the whole class. However, I do feel that this is a message the whole class needs to hear in case this comes up again. "

A large chunk of the disrespect I sensed came through tone of voice, primarily, and secondarily from when I would explain, but the students kept pressing the issue. I think this may be a bit on the sharp side, but I wanted to be clear. Maybe I'm just not good with confrontation, but I didn't know how else to deal with it. Had I spoken at the time, knowing me, I would've cried (the slightest bit of anger with me, and I start crying if I try to talk).

I would appreciate feedback.

Exploding-Head Syndrome

2008-03-09T22:06:00.000-07:00

I think I may cry. I cannot believe how many F's I had to give out for midterms, and I warned them. The ones who turned everything in either got an A or a B... there were a couple C's and a couple D's, but then there was this huge chunk of F's... some of which were brilliant writers. The reason? Not bothering to turn things in. Pure and simple.

Barring common sense, realizing it's not my fault per se, I feel incredibly guilty. While I know better, I still find myself wondering if I could've done more. Blame it on my INFP/J personality... the whole "save the world" syndrome. I wouldn't be me if I didn't suffer from it. It's just frustrating.

I think a serious talk with my students is in my near future, one that includes the whole, "If you're overdoing it, you need to drop something now, even if it's this class."

This is one of those magical times when I question whether or not I'm doing the right thing in becoming a teacher. Again, the wise, reasoning side of me says of course I am, but there are a lot of sides to me, and right now, the worrywart-weight-of-the-world-on-my-shoulders side of me is prevalent. Meh.

My nose is twitching.

Overhead Image Assignment

2008-03-09T15:03:00.000-07:00

This is the drawing I created for the overhead assignment; however, since I overslept this morning (imagine that!), I get to talk about it here.

I will be sure to edit this tonight with thought and reflection. For now, just ooh and ahh over my beautiful Microsoft Paint artistry *cough*.

Edit: I find myself in many different camps, as do many of my fellow GAs. Originally, I was going to draw leaves floating down the river, labeling each with the other pedagogies, to symbolize how my style encompasses bits and pieces of every kind of pedagogy. The bridge over the river symbolizes the fact that, though my core is creative writing, I try to remove myself enough not to get too swept up in its ever-changing current and manage to forget to incorporate different aspects that will improve my overall ability to reach my students. In other words, while creative writing is my English love, I tend to look at things through the perspective of my other creative majors and minors of the past (visual arts, vocal music, and so on), and I know that I need to, in my own work, remain true to my own voice before I try to mold myself into the most popular styles... if I don't, I will lose my identity. My bridge is anchored in collaboration and expressivism, both of which serve as major support for creative writing.

To sum up: I'm just a little crazy, and just like in life, I don't quite fit into any one place.

Spring Semester Blues

2008-02-24T19:46:00.001-08:00

I need to write this quickly, because I've got about five minutes before my Midrin (migraine meds) kicks in and obliterates my mental faculties.

This weather and the flu epidemic have wreaked havoc on every vestige of structure I have for my classes. Thursday, only six students showed up, and Friday wasn't much better. As it's rather difficult to have a successful round of workshopping with so few people present, I ended up having them journal, assigned extra credit to those who bothered to appear, and rescheduled our organized chaos for this upcoming week. It's a little frustrating.

Also, I'm finally starting to get to where I can work around my headaches. I'm so far behind on grading that I think I'm about to lose my mind. I just can't really pretend to find joy in reading textual analyses when my brain's messages resemble television snow. Thanks to new medication, I'm starting to get to where I can think through the fuzz, but I've got a lot of catching up to do, and all it's doing is making me think longingly of break.

I do feel encouraged, though, by the majority of the final drafts I've read so far... it seems my more structured instructions (summarize, respond, outline, formulate an intellectual judgment, then write) have really helped this batch of students get the hang of the textual analysis. In fact, all I've read at this point understood the basic concept, and we're really at the point where we need to focus on polishing and expanding presentation. After beating my head against a wall repeatedly last semester, it's a relief to know that I'm pretty much over that bump.

And... there go my smarts. The drugs kicked in.

Critical Analysis Unit

2008-02-19T10:17:00.000-08:00

Because I chose to tackle the Critical/Textual Analysis unit first, I did not have my own sample draft prepared. Even if I had managed to focus long enough to get it together in time, I don't imagine I would have used a sample version. Between the copier crash and the struggle to readjust to a new semester, I found myself mostly giving direction on the board rather than on an overhead or by passing things out in class.

That being said, I did adopt a little more of a process this time around, and that helped my students understand the concept immensely better. First of all, I divided the class in groups, having them pick their essay (one article per group, but each student writing his or her own essay, of course). I asked them to work together to, first, summarize, and second, create a detailed outline. This helped them to break the argument down into specific points and evidence. Next, I asked them to work together in groups to write a practice analysis for one article that I picked. Naturally, I carefully emphasize the differences between a summary, an opinion essay, and an analysis. Because they worked together in class, they were better able to come to me with questions as they arose. As such, when they wrote their own rough drafts, the drafts were almost all definitely on the right track--much different from last semester's experience.

I'm proud of my students!

At Last! A Voice!

2008-02-13T07:42:00.000-08:00

Wow... that was a fast week! I meant to post on Friday afternoon about how I finally got my MWF students to speak--and at times, enthusiastically. Then, the idea flew out of my mind.

Anyway, we're beginning our I-search this week in my classes, and I decided to try to get my students to actually talk about their potential topics. For a few minutes, nothing. Just a lot of eyes avoiding mine. After a little announcement that I meant to have every single person talking willingly by the end of the semester, and a few pointed and extended bouts of direct eye contact, first one, then another student volunteered. Another five minute later, we had discussion! Finally! I could've danced.

Well, I was going to write more, but I took a rather painful slip on the wet floor of my bathroom this morning, landed flat on my back, and my head feels like an over-inflated balloon, so I'll pick back up on this topic later... perhaps after my Aleve kicks in.

[Echoing Others' Thoughts]

2008-01-31T11:07:00.001-08:00

In spite of its convenience, I don't believe that The Presence of Others is worth our students' money--at least, not in my classes. The only unit during which I actually utilize the book is with the critical analysis. I could just as easily hunt down an independent article to have my students discuss, and they wouldn't have to dish out money for a fourth book that fails to inspire me. Personally, I think the other three books cover the basics quite effectively.

I also want to echo Sarah's sentiments on the Hacker manual. I, too, suggest the Prentice Hall Reference Guide, by Muriel Harris; the explanations are more in-depth, each rule is carefully described, and the book offers plenty of samples to help illustrate how to cite these references. Since receiving and comparing the two books (on assignments for my own classes), I made the decision to have my students return the Hacker manual and buy the Harris one instead this semester. It's easier to navigate, and I get fewer of the citation questions because they understand it better.

Also, the grammar sections offer great layman's terms for grammatical rules. I definitely feel like the grammar rules that once perplexed me now make more sense. The exercises also help to reinforce those habits.

I have no alternative book suggestion for The Presence of Others, mostly because, in my class, I don't see the need for four books. Anyway, that's my two cents.

[Changes]

2008-01-28T06:47:00.000-08:00

Perhaps it's the lack of sunshine. Maybe I just have no discipline. Whatever the cause, I seem to lack the ability to get focused and get my work done this semester. That goes for teaching and learning. I feel a little hypocritical urging my students to get things in on time and work on them early when I'm still in the state of, "Oh, shoot, I have a three-page paper due in three hours. I guess I better get starte--Ooh, shiny thing!" Yes, it's that bad.

At any rate, there are some definite improvements this semester. I reworked my paper schedule for my classes, and it's a lot more ordered and predictable, making it easier for my students (and I) to remember due dates. I also am trying out the blog thing with my Tuesday/Thursday class, and they love it. I think they find it encouraging to read each other's daily jottings and to receive feed back on their own. I think I may integrate this in all classes from now on, though I may change the requirements based on course load and goals. I don't know... it's something to think about. At any rate, it's a consistent reminder that, oh yeah! I have a class blog of my own to write! And, voila! Here it is. Revel in its [lack of] glory, one and all.

[What Am I Doing Here?]

2008-01-23T18:12:00.000-08:00

I've been reading over others' first posts (besides the obligatory "test" posts, of course), and I feel temporarily convinced that I'm out of my element. You all sound so scholarly and compositionist-y (yes, that's a word, because I say so!), and I know that's not my style of writing. It doesn't feel natural coming from me--at least, not in a blog. But then again, I'm pretty much the queen of insecurity when it comes to, "Am I doing the right thing here?!" I'm sure I'll be fine.

This first week-and-a-half have been a little strange for me. I'm teaching a MWF class AND a TTh class, and I'm trying to keep them on the same page. In theory, it would work well. However, my two classes could not be more different as far as personality goes. They're like night and day! My TTh students are completely gung-ho and open to enjoying class--not to mention making sure they know what the assignment's about. They love asking questions and getting things done. My MWF class, on the other hand, well, I often wonder if they're asleep with their eyes open. It's a little painful, actually. I've never seen so many blank expressions and quizzical looks in one 20 by 20 foot room.

I could add more, but my cold meds are making my mind wander. I may come back to this topic tomorrow or Friday. Who knows?